Big community funding update! How do you deal with sexual urges outside of your relationship? April 29, 4: I don't want to be with anyone else romantically besides my partner but I find myself thinking about how much I want to have sex with other individuals, sometimes often. I'm deeply afraid one day I will act on these urges and ruin my relationship.
My partner has indicated being supportive of me having relations with these individuals but I'm not sure how it would play out once we got past the talking stage of this or how serious my partner was being. I think if we did open the relationship in this way, even if my partner was supportive I might feel guilty about it.
So, a few questions. Being that I've never actually been in a situation to test whether I would cheat or not, how can I know if I would given Im married and hookup someone else opportunity? I do not want to hurt my partner, cheating would hurt my partner, therefore I don't want to do it but, since I have never been in a situation to test my I'm not sure if I would have enough self-control not to if an opportunity presented itself.
Have you ever felt this way then were confronted with an opportunity and could easily not cheat? I don't want to cheat but I'm afraid my urges will be too strong and take over my rational mind and I will do something I will terribly regret.
How do I deal with these urges to have relations with others? It's purely about sex. The people I find myself wanting to have sex with are not anyone who I would ever date. If you've had urges like this and a supportive partner and carried out your urges, how did it affect your relationship?
If I did anything with these people this would be the avenue I would want to take. Just to be clear I am very attracted to my partner and the sex is great. I just feel urges to have sex with other people. Sometimes the best thing is actively avoid the situations that would result in cheating.
Once you are there, I feel like temptation is easy. If you feel like a friendship is sexually charged, if it feels like you are flirting, then maybe you should not be doing that.
The urge will be there, and you will experience it. I guess the best I can say try not to focus on it. Try to remind yourself that everything you have and how lucky you are, because you are.
I can't speak as to what would happen if you opened your relationship, and I don't know how to make the urges go away. But I think the Im married and hookup someone else way to deal with destructive urges that won't go away, is to keep yourself as far away as possible from situations where you will be tempted by them.
Don't even take the smallest, most innocuous seeming baby step down that path. If you find yourself in a situation like that or in a situation that is becoming like that, get out of there. It might help, if you "Im married and hookup someone else" yourself in a situation you absolutely cannot get out of and you are hanging on by a thread, to just let your SO know what's going on. It sounds like this will be possible for you since you guys have already discussed this general issue.
If you talk to your partner about what you want to do, and you two work out a way to open the relationship or any sort of polyamorous agreement, you wouldn't necessarily be cheating. On the other hand, aren't you always being 'given the opportunity' to 'cheat'? Every day you could choose to be with someone else, to 'cheat' or leave your partner, but you aren't yet. So perhaps that suggests that you wouldn't 'cheat.
It sounds like you're dealing with these urges in a constructive way by starting to think about the kind of relationship you want and talking to your partner.
Continue down those paths. If you want to read about possible ways to do this, do a search online for polyamory. I imagine a few things that might help. First, occasionally fantasize about the other people you want to have sex with while you're having sex with your partner. That might help suppress the desire to have actual sex outside the relationship. Second, if you're not sure whether you'd pass the cheating test if given the opportunity, the best option is probably not to get the opportunity.
Keep your partner around when you're hanging out with people you'd want to have sex with, and when your partner can't be around, hang out with people Im married and hookup someone else don't want to have sex with. Or, if whatever social obligations you have require you to be around people you're attracted to without your partner, do like Ashley says and keep your partner updated.
You don't even have to tell your partner your have thoughts about infidelity; just exchanging texts on a semi-regular basis about something unrelated to sex ought to keep you grounded enough to avoid indiscretions, as you'll be thinking about your text conversation with your partner as much as you are about whoever you're attracted to at the moment.
Not to impinge your good nature but given more or less extreme circumstances trapped in a cozy lodge with someone for a few days there are few that will remain chaste.
If you are seriously concerned, consider discussing the issue a legitimate sex therapist. There are likely Im married and hookup someone else to manage that class of urge. And just walk away from tough situations as early as possible.
There has to be a reason why you want other people. I would try to figure that out. Something your partner not providing you maybe. Why would you want to have sex with them? I'm actually asking, not posing a rhetorical question. makes you want to have sex with them? I kinda don't understand given your mindset and your reasoning.
I just want to understand where you're coming from Since you didn't include a throwaway, can you memail a mod you feel comfortable with to post some answers after all these responses Not to sound glib, but. Having sex with someone, anyone, is an active choice. It requires many steps - meeting someone, negotiating location, removing clothing, foreplay, etc.
You don't trip over a crack in the pavement and find yourself having cheated on your partner. Seriously, though, as noted above, it is definitely possible to talk about this with your partner, set parameters for an open relationship, and go forth in a way that's less likely to hurt anyone or ruin any relationships.
It's impossible to say that it won't hurt your relationship at all if you decide to open it up, of course, since some things are great in theory but not in practice. On the flip side, it might be a totally wonderful thing for you and for your partner. But if there's one thing I learn from pretty much every AskMe answer, it's that relationships require communication to be successful.
If you really want to have sex with someone other than your partner, you need to talk about that with your partner and figure it out together. But seriously, don't have sex with a random person and then come home and do the "oops!
A rich fantasy life. I think it's awesome that you have a good communication pattern with your partner, and that you can discuss these things.
I would ask yourself how you would feel if your partner cheated on you. If you wouldn't mind, then Im married and hookup someone else you could explore that, and open that up for discussion. Perhaps you would both be suited towards a more open relationship.
If, however, you would feel devastated, betrayed, and hurt, then perhaps you should keep this mind whenever you're in the position to cheat on your partner. Whenever you feel tempted, picture your partner in that same situation. Personally, I've been involved in monogamous relationships and open relationships, and I felt fulfilled in both.
I don't think I could have transitioned my monogamous relationship into an open one, because that's just not how we related to each other. I couldn't have transitioned my open relationship into a monogamous one, either, once again because it's just not how we related to one another. The key in my open relationship was balance -- we both had needs that another person met.
If one person got a little jealous, then we discussed it, but it rarely ever came to that. I think it was one of my relationships, because of the openness and mutual respect that was necessary in maintaining it. It isn't for everyone, and I don't recommend it for everyone, but at the time it was exactly what we both needed. Before exploring that type of relationship, though, I would suggest really looking into the reason as to why you feel the urge to sleep with these other people.
Is there Im married and hookup someone else they have in common that you're attracted to? Or, and please forgive me if I am projecting here, is the reason that you are so concerned about possibly cheating tied to something that happened in your past?
Maybe your parents divorced, or maybe you were cheated on before, or a million other reasons. "Im married and hookup someone else" hope that you chose whatever is best for both of you, and I wish you the best of luck.
Nothing is "purely about sex. For what it's worth, I strongly disagree with those posters who suggest that you repress the feelings you are having, avoid the situations where you have them, or just use force of will to avoid their implications. Keep in mind that, if you and your partner have made an agreement that one or both of of you can have sex with other people, having sex with other people is NOT cheating! This could be an opportunity to expand your relationship in unexpected ways -- also remember that the agreements you make with your partner can be as broad or specific as you guys want.
I recommend this book: It's not anti-monogamy in any way, but encourages the reader to evaluate in a more comprehensive fashion the possibilities that each person and each relationship presents to us. I'm having a hard time figuring out if you actually want consensual, above-board multiple relationships, or you're just really tormented by the idea that you might someday succumb to the urge to have sex with someone else and mess up your relationship even though you don't want to and probably won't actually ever do it.
One of these is polyamory, the other is something that could stand a therapist's assistance. You're a human being. Monogamy may be a good idea for a lot of reasons, but it is NOT natural.